Tracy Loubser — Author Of Unlocked A Journey Inward To Utter Truth

Once again, it is what's involved. It's so good to have you along with us on my show tonight. A lady that I came across through a very complicated method. But needless to say, I got to meet her. I got to chat with her. And we're going to be talking about her book. Who is she? Well, she is Tracy Loeb, sir. And her book is called Unlocked, A Journey Inward to Utter Truth. Hello, Tracy. How are you? Hello, David. It's such an honor to be chatting to you. Yeah, it's great to be chatting to you as well. I mean, let's be honest, we've had a few sort of technical challenges for the last little while, but I think we've got it right now. Absolutely. All right. So before we get into the book, give me a bit of background on Tracy. You know, who are you? You know, where were you born, grew up, those kind of things. And basically, give me a story of what led to the writing of this book. Well, I think in essence, at the face of it, I grew up in freedom. I grew up in space. We lived out in the country. We grew up with animals. Really, a very, very tangible experience of of earthly living. And, you know, as it all unfolded. And as I look back now, there was an element of being trained into society, trained to to really genuflects to the demands and the expectations of society.

So on the face of it, there was freedom and, you know, we grow we grow up kind of being homogenized to to sameness without even realizing it. And as I grew up. My my need for acknowledgement, my need for for acceptance, for belonging. Took me further and further away from myself and closer to the demands of the outside world. And through a journey of of growing up experiences, getting married, having children, various things happened that pointed me towards the the misalignment, I guess you could call it, of living for the outside world and not accessing the the true essence of who I am. OK, that that I don't think in that sense. It's it's a unique story because I know many, many people spend their lives trying to be what they think other people want them to be. And it sort of it's just it's sad. But you and what I think is amazing is you had the courage. And the bravery to actually have a look at where you were and go. This is not working. And and to me, this is analogous to, you know, you spend your life climbing a ladder that's up against a building only to get to the top and find that it's leaning against the wrong building. And I think that's pretty much where you ended up. But, you know, as as you go through the book, you know, in the in the beginning, yeah, it is idyllic.

And, you know, you feel it seems that that, you know, you want to do that. You know, the little White House with the picket fence, the two point four children and the and the lovely little Labrador, et cetera, et cetera. And when you sort of got married, it seems at least to outside people that you had it all because you had a great career as well.

Yes, to the outside, it seems like that. But, you know, I got wrapped up in the prescription list. And you mentioned that we we have this prescription of what steps should be next. And David, I have to disagree with you. I think we all have that courage. I don't think it was really particularly me having the courage above somebody else. We all have that courage. And I wish I had the courage to meet my integrity first. But I was pointed towards that with with challenges, with things that shocked. You know, sometimes you go through little ripples of change and and sometimes they really are waves of shock. And it was that, you know, we can live for the outside world and we can live for achievement, competition, acknowledgement. I mean, look at marriage itself. It's it's accoladed by its longevity, not by its quality. So that is that is an absolute prescription for disaster in itself. But I kept on, you know, thank goodness our inner selves or our inner core keeps pointing us towards our truth, pointing us towards my truth. And I refer to myself as a late groomer. I think I was really a late learner. And I was incredibly wrapped up in pleasing the other. Geneflecting to the worth that I got from the other, from the outside world, from the roles that I play and the roles that I became enmeshed with.

The roles that really defined me and I identified myself with until the pressure gets too much. And, you know, as we spoke about it all oozes out sideways. And in that oozing out, we are able to crack open the core, the beautiful

center of who we are and and reveal that. And and then slowly and surely stop foraging for approval from the outside and actually reach inward to to to to get that self worth. Because we we know that true, the true essence of self worth is within us. Indeed, it is. But, you know, again, you said you disagree with me that you think we all have the courage. I think some people are just too scared. They're too afraid to to to make these changes. You know, I look at my dad, him and my mom were married for many years. We had I said, he had myself and my sister and they were terribly unhappy. And my dad, literally, I was I was sitting in an intensive care in the hospital room with him and he looked at me and he said, don't do what I've done and live a life of quiet desperation. And that's because his labels were you have to be a good man. You have to be a good father. You have to be a good husband. This is what it means. And yet him and my mom should probably never have stayed married. I think that both would have been a whole lot happier if they'd had the courage to change their ways. But there was all of this societal thing and divorce was frowned upon. You know, so I don't know, it's difficult.

And I do celebrate people who choose to go and take that inward journey because it is it's not pleasant. It's it's arduous and you feel like giving up because sometimes, you know, better the devil, you know, than the devil, you don't know. But Jason, your your life also led to, you know, you had you had the the idyllic life, the perfect job, et cetera, et cetera. And it then also led to a breakdown of your marriage. And, you know, the family unit was impacted. When we come back, can we talk a little bit about what lead to that breakdown? Right. My special guest, Tracey Loebser. We're talking about her book, Unlocked, a Journey Inward to Utter Truth. We will be back in just a bit.

And we're back with my special guest, Tracey Loebser, author of Unlocked, a Journey Inward to Utter Truth. You see that I like the idea of utter truth. So, Tracey, talk to me a little bit about that. I mean, yeah, you were living this life. Everybody thought it was perfect. You're making money at a great house. Outwardly, great husband, great kids. What happened?

Well, that that that term utter. And you also mentioned the term perfect. You know, I think I was wrapped up in the in the perfection. I was was wrapped up in my worth depended on how good I looked as a wife, a mother, a daughter. It started in childhood. You know, a people pleaser starts by being a parent pleaser and looking for that recognition and appraisal from the outside. And in that looking for appraisal from the outside, we are actually asking permission to be. And until we realize that we can only give ourselves permission to be free in that choice, to be free in in our own essence. Do we do we stay trapped? Do we stay in in track and enslaved by what society demands of us? And as I say, it I wish it was one morning I woke up and I decided that I was living a lack of integrity, integrity, and it changed in a day. But it's not like that, that and it doesn't start with the recognition. It doesn't start with the realization. It starts with the pain, the absolute pain. And it starts with the war on the inside. And the war on the inside is the ego versus the true essence of who we are. And that war emanates from within us to to our outer world. And, you know, we're taught from little to turn away from pain.

We're taught from the time we start suckling

on our mother's breasts, we are taught to turn away from pain. We are taught that pain is is dangerous. And I think the whole journey starts with. Our realization that pain is there for a reason and that our feelings are telling us something. It is the only in the garden system that we have. So it started with a lot of pain, a lot of pain, where I really felt like I was losing myself. But in that pain of of losing myself, I was actually gaining myself because it was the pain of I'm peeling, I'm layering the ego. And and that is painful. And if we can go through that pain, if we can confront it, look it in the eye and know that it is teaching us something, then we can embark on the journey. And it is not a short journey. For me, it was not a short journey. And I didn't act immediately in the realization of how unhappy I was in my marriage. I stayed and I wanted to learn the lessons that my my partnership was teaching me. I wanted to learn what I needed to learn in that marriage. And we all have the courage. It's just whether we have pinched ourselves off from from that courage or not, the courage is deep within all of us. And we need to seek external guidance and help as well. You know, it's I think it's it's almost impossible to to to sail the journey on our own.

I think it really it does take some external guidance and help as well.

Just let's get down to some nuts and bolts quickly in terms of your awakening, your journey to this this truth for you. You said you were unhappy in your marriage, but you stayed there. Was it the unhappiness? Was it sort of from both sides or was your husband at that time kind of blissfully unaware that you were unhappy? He was he was definitely blissfully unaware. I was very, very good at disguising my truth and wearing the different masks and and living the facade of hanging on to this drug fog state of wanting to be a perfect wife. And he he he was really oblivious of how I felt until I communicated with him with with clarity and still didn't want to want to hear the truth. So it's it wasn't only about fighting myself. It was about the

the real pain of hurting another and hurting the family. And I saw it at the time as breaking up a family. But in essence, it was actually an emergence. It wasn't the it was it was the making of of myself whole. And in so doing that, becoming a better mother and a better a better partner, because he and I will always be partners in parenting. But it's just the the redefinition of the relationship. But yes, the realizations are painful and the thought of hurting another person. But in essence, David, it you know, when you really distill it down to its natural truth, it's not about hurting, you know, another person. We we are human. We are selfish in that humanness. And it really was about looking like the bad person. And, you know, you mentioned good person just now. Are are we good and bad people? There is goodness and and and, you know, there's good and bad in all of us. If we even see it that way, there's the shadow in the light. And if we can embrace both, we can really live as whole human beings. I think you've done something very, very relevant there in terms of what you would call the shadow of the darkness. And I think that's what's scary for a lot of people to acknowledge that that darkness within themselves.

I know on my journey and and I've had many long dark tea times of the salt for me to actually go, OK, you know what? I am the David that is loving, caring, compassionate and kind. But I'm also the David that can be an absolute heartless S.O.B. And I used to want to fight against that. And it took me a long while to go, OK, listen, it's it's about choice. Just because I can doesn't mean I have to. You know, just because I can be this cold hearted, you know, just absolute robot type person doesn't mean I have to. And you get to choose that because you are the one ultimately in control. We mentioned it all, you know, depression, everything. And eventually it all comes, you know, oozing out sideways. Give us an example of some one of your oozing out sideways, because it could be very easy for me to go into various chapters in the book and share that, but I want people to read this discovery for themselves, because at times you can you can see the light and it's joyful. But at times it's it's quite heartrending what you what you go through emotionally and that people are not aware of. Yes, and everybody has their their own experience of the the oozing out. I think for me, I had suppressed so much of myself and at the core of me, I am this deeply passionate sensual human being.

And I think I had really suppressed that in in my aim to to fit in. To to be popular and not unpopular. And I think what happens is we are seduced by the matrix to fit in. And then all of a sudden we we realize that we are being devoured by that matrix, by that crowd that we've accumulated, by fitting in. And for me, it was just this build up of of of pressure from from suppressing my my passion, from suppressing my natural aliveness. And and in that I I acted out. In in in affairs and and and interactions that I wish I had had the integrity to express before they happened, but it didn't happen that way for me. And there are things that I am certainly not proud of. But they you mentioned the dark night. I see them as dark angels coming along to wake me up from an asleep intoxicated state of being. And for want of of of of having this longing that it would have been different and it was very hurtful to my husband at the time, even though there was probably a little bit of of denial from his side and just getting wrapped up in all those lies. But where was the first lie? Where was the first disintegras behavior, the lie to myself? Because I knew when I walked down the aisle to marry him that I was doing the wrong thing, I was marrying him for him and I was not marrying him for me.

And there is definitely a love. But it didn't feel like a husband love to me at the time. And I can I can relate to that. I certainly can relate to that. We are talking to Tracy Loebser about her book, Unlocked, A Journey Inward to Utter Truth. It's something that I think everybody needs to read. And I read the book and at some stages I was like, you've been reading my mail. But, you know, it's it's it's a great book. Anyway, this is what's involved. We'll be back with Tracy in just a bit.

And we're back. My special guest is Tracy Loebser. Her book, Unlocked, A Journey Inward to Utter Truth. So, Tracy, ultimately, this journey of yours led to a divorce. There was the guilt because you do have two children as well. What what happened when this divorce had now now happened? You were starting to be more truthful and more authentic and in integrity. What happened then to your relationships with your your family and your you know, all those things that we worry about that, you know, if if I eventually come out and say that I've made a mistake, people are all going to hate me or they're going to judge me. How did you feel then? Well, it's interesting because, you know, what you think is the greatest teacher at the time

is becomes completely surpassed by the next learning and the next learning and the next learning. And I think, you know, when you live a lie and let's be blatant, I was living an absolute lie. It wasn't. There was love, but there wasn't. I was lying to myself. I was I was pleasing others above pleasing myself. And when you live that lie and you come out and you come out of the closet and you you you then speak your truth, everybody else is affected. And they need to rebuild their own foundation on and on your new foundation of truth. And I think that that's very uncomfortable. It's one thing to realize your own truth. And then the next thing to give people around you an opportunity to rebuild the the foundation, which is a much stronger foundation in essence. But it takes time. It wasn't easy for my parents. It wasn't easy for my husband. It wasn't easy for my children. It was it seemed on the outside as a break up of a family. But in essence, it was. Every everybody finding their new. Construct of wholeness. So, yes, it's very uncomfortable.

You went you went through this this journey when you came out on the other side, because I can I can speak from experience in terms of divorce.

Suddenly, you know, the friends that I'd had and the friends that I'd had for for years and the friends that we made as a couple, there were a lot of those that kind of disappeared. I mean, I liken it to rats abandoning a sinking ship. In retrospect, it wasn't a bad thing because the genuine friends stayed. But it was it was horrendous. And in my particular case, you know, I kind of got blamed and accused of doing all sorts of different things. And, you know, all sorts of things came out of the woodwork. And I mean, I didn't have it. You know, I didn't I wasn't in a place where I could even defend myself. And I didn't feel like defending myself at that stage either. And and I kind of ended up getting myself lost in a regimen of antidepressants and sleeping tablets and, you know, washing those down with a little bit of Jack. So I ended up an absolute mess.

Yeah, I think it's definitely has its has its challenges. And, you know, we have this natural trajectory. Well, I had this natural trajectory through life of accumulating popularity. And then all of a sudden, when I spoke out, that popularity just fell away. And you realize that the popularity is a false facade of self. And slowly, people have just, you know, fallen away. But at the end of the day, you realize that they're fighting their own battle. And anybody who can't appreciate the truth of somebody else is fighting their own battle of their own truth and their own judgment. And and as you realize this, you found and find a newfound freedom in in yourself. And, you know, I have I have come to to a place where. I can only access my own truth and whatever somebody else feels or says or does is a reflection of what they're going through at that at the same time. I was determined not to go onto any medication. I was determined to feel because I had turned away from my feeling for so long. I was really determined to feel. But it's not a hunky-dory road of bliss. It is a constant and constantly confronted with difficult situations. But the suffering, the suffering gets less. The challenges don't dissipate.

But the suffering in the challenges become less. And I think that's the big thing that that turns away, turns people away from turning towards the truth is is the pain that goes with it. The risk, the risk of learning, losing my children, the risk of of losing the partnership as parents, the risk of looking bad, the risk of looking like a traitor. But, you know, you can you can either you can either become entrenched in what society demands of you or you can become the nonconformist, the rebel. And I think there's really a rebel in each family down the line that says, no, I will not do this anymore. I will not live the pattern. I want to live a life. I do not want to know the pattern. And it was it was a pattern that was handed down like a family in from generation to generation. I get that totally. I mean, but I don't know about you, but after I'd gotten divorced and everything, you know, then I try to put band-aids on the wounds, et cetera, et cetera. And I made a series of spectacularly bad decisions, particularly when it came to relationships. And it took me a good few years. And I had to get to a place where I said to myself, OK, I'm not a fraction. I don't need anybody else to be whole.

I'd like somebody else in my life, but I'm OK if there isn't anybody else. And then out of the blue, I suddenly met the person of my dreams. And I now, if I look back and I go for me to have what I have now

and what I went through to get to it, would I do it again to get this? And my answer would be absolutely yes. At the time, no. At the time, no, because it was it was dark times. And and, you know, it was it was it was rough. And I can imagine this stuff like that with you. So let's move forward. When did you decide to to write the book? Were you at a place where you felt a whole lot more in integrity, a whole lot more whole? What's happened, relationship wise? I need to know these things. Well, so I actually didn't decide to write an autobiography. The idea of a book was born about 12 years ago when I was going through a very, very uncomfortable journey into myself. And I sourced the the guidance of a of a person I worked very closely with on what was meant to be a sensual journey. I felt that there was something wrong with me. I felt that I was blocked and I embarked on on this journey, not even realizing how it would turn into the most incredible spiritual journey. And it would point me towards what is meant to be my focus. And that is me and not in a selfish way, but in an essential way. So I was pointed towards that, learned a lot working with the sky and on a very, very, very uncomfortable deep level.

I mean, I spent a day in in absolute tears,

navigating the possibility of this journey. And then I said to myself, Tracey, if it was easy, you would not need it. So I jumped into this journey and really was pointed to towards my own self. You know, and I think I mean, I end in the book 10 years ago. I decided that I wanted to write a book to to take the reader, because that's the type of book I wanted, is to be pointed inward to my own sense of choice, to my own sense of power. And I couldn't find a book like that. So I vowed to write a book like that. And it unfolded. The book took its own its own path and it took on its own personality. And I worked with somebody in Italy, an absolutely magnificent woman that said to me, Tracey, this needs to be an autobiography. And so it really took its own path into becoming an autobiography. I didn't set out to write an autobiography. But even the journey through the divorce has been incredibly growthful. My husband made it very difficult for me and promised that that, you know, I I would not be able to stand on my own and fought me on the divorce. And in that fighting has really been the biggest gift to me and the biggest teacher in pushing me to my potential. So the whole litigation process,

which is only really coming to a tip now 10 years later, has really driven me to my true potential and ensured that I stay on my path of truth because every single decision I make, I ask myself, and am I in integrity with this? And is it for the highest good of all involved? And it may not be for the immediate good of of all involved. It may actually make people who are directly affected really uncomfortable. But that's been the true journey. And I'm constantly facing my own integrity opposed to being seduced to actually

live in somebody else's integrity. So I think it'll be a part of me for the rest of my life, where I am constantly shaken up and constantly challenged to live in my own truth and my own integrity. Well, I think, yeah, I agree with you there. My mentor and he sadly is no longer with us, but he always used to say to me that integrity is the most important thing. And the definition of integrity is think should equal say should equal do. And that's the yardstick I use to measure my interactions these days. So, yeah, I think feeling is a big part of that. You know, what we're thinking, what we're saying, what we're doing and what we are feeling, because that is that is something that we can easily turn against. We we can pursue our feelings. But the feelings are really that inner guidance system that that is is telling you whether you are in alignment with yourself or not. Yeah, it's it's your emotional guidance system. We are chatting. We are chatting, he says, putting his teeth back into Tracey Lopes, about her book, Unlock the Journey Inwards to Utter Truth. Something you should all read. We'll be back in just a bit and we'll be wrapping it up with Tracey.

And we're back. What's involved that is? It's so good to have you along with us. I had a fascinating time today chatting with Tracey. And it's one of those serendipitous moments in terms of how the book came into my hands. I'm very glad it did. It's, as I said, something I think we should all read this book. Can you tell me now, before we go any further, where is the book available? The book's available on my website. www.TraceyLopes.com, T-R-A-C-Y-L-O-U-B-S-E-R.com. And I will career the book to you. Yep. Wonderful stuff. And it's also available on Amazon in Kindle version, ebook version. So whatever the reader prefers. Yeah, you see, I love my Kindle. And most things I want to download and read on my Kindle, because it gives me a little sense of security that I have a lot of books I can still read and I don't have to carry an entire trunk along with me when I go anywhere, but books like this, books like yours, I like the hard copy because it's got a feel to it. And, you know, it encourages you to to make notes and to write and to scribble and to, you know, make note of revelations, et cetera, et cetera. Tessa, before I let you go, though, just a question in terms of your journey to being yourself, and I think this is a lifelong journey and anybody gets onto this path needs to know that it's there's no end.

All right. The end is the journey. That's what it's all about. Have you moved closer to happiness and peace? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And you mentioned that you had met the the love of your dreams, the the love of your life. So have I. And that is that is right now, myself. And, you know, I mean, it sounds all it sounds all fairytale-ish, but it is so incredible.

Thinking that I was a person that thrived on being around other people. And now I am a person that really thrives on being on her own as well as connecting with other people. And I haven't been in a relationship for about five years now

with anybody, with anybody else in a romantic sense. But I am in a very, very deep and exciting relationship with myself. And for anybody who knows me, I'm an incredibly alive, passionate, life loving person. And, you know, until that person comes along, that really aligns with with what I want and and aligns with who I am. I'm really just happy to to to to be in this relationship with myself and enjoy life. But I think that's often where the magic happens. And it's something that we all forget about is we try so hard to be what we think other people want us to be. We forget to be ourselves. And part of that is to be able to be comfortable with yourself, to be happy. I mean, I often joke when people say to me, but why are you in radio? I say, well, number one, I've got a monumental go and a need to be loved. But number two, I love people. I just don't want to have to see them all the time. So, you know, radio, radio is a great, great solution for me. Yeah, Tracy. And there's no right and wrong, David. You know, whether we in relationship or not in relationship, we are learning things about ourselves. And I love interacting with people. I love connecting with people. I wish that is going to lead me to my to my next question before I let you go.

It's a kind of a multipart question. First and foremost, people who are experiencing similar challenges, et cetera, et cetera, are you offering any sort of support courses, training interaction? Absolutely. So along my journey, I have truly valued the mentors that have come into my life that I've been on on different journeys with people who have offered me spiritual guidance, people who have offered me tangible experiences to to get closer to that, that true essence within myself. So that the book's been a launch pad for a transformational business. I call myself a transformational catalyst because we we can only guide and and and nurture somebody through that journey. They really have it. They have every opportunity within themselves to to realize a true potential, to realize their true magnificence. So that's exactly what I do. I use different modalities to work with my clients because looking for approval on the outside is not sustainable. We need to be pointed inwards. And sometimes we need that guidance from somebody else, somebody who will hold our hand through the tough times when we are reaching rock bottom because rock bottom is really where the the the platform, the sturdy platform is to to bounce ourselves back up again.

So when somebody is reaching rock bottom, it's quite exciting for for the counselor, for the the the guide or the mentor to be watching this because you know that it's the only chance of reaching their true potential. So that's what I do. I'm a transformational catalyst. I'm also a professional photographer, so they go hand in hand. And I'm busy formulating workshops to do with my clients. My my. My aim is a woman, but it is really for men as well. I I know what it means. And as a woman, we are we are trained to be nurturers and we forget to to direct that nurture inward as well. So, yes, I take I take people by the hand. And stand by their side in their journey towards transformation, towards emancipation and freedom. Wonderful stuff. So they can find more details about that on your website. So a reminder, it's Tracy Lopes, which is T-R-A-C-Y-L-O-U-B-S-R dot com. Tracy Lopes dot com. Last question before I let you go, Tracy, what's next? What's next for Tracy? Well, I am excited to be working in the transformational space,

you know, knowing the journey that I've been through. And I'm peeling the different layers of myself and finding that that that that of essence at the at the core of me. I it truly gives me joy to watch other people unwrap and unfold their their essence as well. But I have a plan to travel. I have a plan. I have a plan for a romantic relationship. Whenever it may present itself, I believe in in universal and divine divine timing. So all I want to do is really just suck the juice out of life and and and. Guide other people to suck the juice out of life as well. One more question. Another book, Tracy. Another book. Yes, absolutely. I'm in the process of of writing another book at the moment. I think there'll be several books. I think I'll always be an author. I'm a little bit of a nonconformist now after being a conformist for far too many years. So I'm OK with questioning different things and and and looking at things from different angles and perspectives. So and I think that it is part of me to to to to express whether I'm speaking to people or authoring books. I think it is part of my my essence to be able to to share my truth and my perspective of relationship and and how we interact with others and ourselves.

I think that's absolutely fantastic. On that note, we say to you, Tracy Lopes, I thank you so much for taking the time out having a chat to us. I admire your courage and your grit. As I said, a book, people definitely do need to read. I'm putting my name down to chat to you when the next one gets released. Please just make a note of that. I wish you we wish you all the very best. Thank you, David, and it really has been an absolute honor chatting to you and spreading the message of truth and and authenticity. So thank you for giving me this platform to spread the message. It's an absolute pleasure. There we go. That was my special guest, Tracy Lopes, author of Unlocked, a Journey Inward to Utter Truth. You're able to get it on our website or on Amazon in either Kindle format or digital format wraps it up for this edition of What's Involved. Each and every one of you look after yourselves. Take care and thank you for listening.